M | Possible's Blog

Divine Light

2011-10-12T15:57:00.007+03:00

What do you think of this photo?!

If you love it... LIKE it and help me win a new camera =D

If you LOVE it... LIKE it and SHARE it with your friends (and make them LIKE it) and YOU get a free photo-shoot with my new camera :P

Come'on... show some love :D

...maher

Happy Birthday... Maha

2011-05-10T00:23:00.000+03:00

Today is Maha's birthday... but I haven't been able to wish Maha a happy birthday for nearly 7 years "-(

How does one pick up the pieces of a past fragmented life?

How does one recall the sweet memories and interactions with stolen friends?

How can I stand as an audience watching loved ones struggle, go through unimaginable pain and been forced to say the eternal goodbye?

Five years ago, feelings were the same, emotions were agitated as equally, maybe trivially less. They say time heals everything...but is the longing included in "everything"? I firmly question that.

Thoughts juggle in mind; we, as humans, have managed to take control over almost everything, genetically engineering lives, triggering weather changes, manipulating psyches, manufacturing weapons that would rip through Earth (twice as much)... and what have you.. yet we are still helpless when it comes to cancer. So I can't but wonder if it's a cause or an effect; whether our "control" is karmic; whether we created cancer or it created us, shaping our lives, in one way or another...

My friend, may the spirits watch over you, wherever you are.

Maha Hanna...I have missed you... I -or as you used to call me, "the GD ambassador"- am remembering you! My LAU days would never have been the same without you!

Happy Birthday :)

I like you!

2011-03-22T15:17:00.000+02:00

I love my recent birthday gift :)) ... Merci Ramzi 3ammo!

Been bragging about it and teasing my friends all day long!

It's quite interesting to see people's reaction, aside from laughter.. people relate to and make associations in a snap.

Eventually, I can't "like" everybody, but I do to great extents... asexually mostly -in case your mind is drifting.. hehe- while perhaps the first name on the list is the face in the mirror.. mr. egocentric :P

Yet, to remind some folks -aka Tarek- that "forgiving is divine", bro, you're on the list :P

Miss X....you were in mind when I first had my shirt on! :D

Thanks to the marvelous Marvette for the photo!

When friendships are real, love is eternal and memories are carved in stone

2011-03-18T23:59:00.000+02:00

I love the title of this post...

It's so expressive and describes my emotions and state of mind at this particular moment. A moment of time travel filled with emotions, plenty of them, accompanied with goosebumps and teary eyes.

When friendships are real, love is eternal and memories are carved in stone

So it seems that the time intervals of such scenarios are consistent; forcing me to wonder... is it self discipline or un-discipline? Nesting v/s Gypsy-ing... Last time, I got an Aussie heart. This time, my heart is echoing longing and adventure simultaneously while "pumpitating" in a strange wary manner.

Anyway, back to the title...

One would be counting his or her blessings when it comes to true friendships and "special" interaction amongst peer human-beings. The number may be limited to a dozen when it comes to the modern -or postmodern- materialistic socio-cultural lives. I stop here with my ever-loud "No. No. No", that statement is erroneous and I don't need to prove it!

I may ran out of bandwidth if I chose to indicate my interactions and friend/relationships in photographs. Text would also grow exponentially if I chose to write the name of each individual whom I carry virtually within me.

Then again... what the hell.. so.. inhabitants of the world... as my witnesses, I salute and bow in respect to Lara, Rida, Rolande, Jasmina, Yasmine...

...and Aline, Marwa, Ghia, Mahmoud, Najib, Ginane, Ghassan, Cynthia, Abeer, Nahla, Sabine, Shireen, Rana, Sami, Nathalie, Yolande, Makram, Tonia, Marvette, Carla, Christelle, Walid, Nabih, Toni, Bruna, Abir, Ramzi, Laila, Dania, Kifah, Layal, Amal, Loma, Lina, Randa, Bilal, Karim, Mazen, Marwan, Grant, Meredith, Andrew, Anya, Pohsin, Rose, Siying, Mary, Nonna, Dominique, Rana, Darine, Jemma, Patrick, Nabil, Karim, Georges, Joelle, Racha, Khalil, Roula, Sally, Roula, Tania, Soha, Rana, Mona, Peter, Rebecca, Kate, Kamal, Alissar, Rasha, Sahar...

Yes, in an intense moment, I find myself re-live the sweet -and occasionally sour- moments which I shall cherish and behold... for eternity.

[update]
I got my butt kicked, by myself mostly :P. for missing Diana, Tarek, Bahaa, Elena, Lama, Eliana, Nataly, Bilal, Karim, Joseph, Rached, Durriya, Toni, Alissar, Rasha, Hala, Rudy.

So you guys can kick my butt again... on the condition to get a hug afterwards :P
DEAL?!

[Broadcast] Careers and Job Opportunities

2011-02-23T15:34:00.000+02:00

G'Day peeps!

Any show of hands on who misses my emails?! :P

My geeky side cannot stop picking my brain... so here are three blogs for the jobs I have been circulating amongst you, in an attempt to make it more convenient and accessible to you, your friends and the community at large [ooouuhh... sounds fancy! :P]

All jobs are search-able and indexed according to categories, with direct contact to employers and almost-null recruitment agencies' involvement.

You can follow the blog(s), subscribe for daily emails and social-share (Facebook, Twitter, Buzz, ect..)

General Job Opportunities (banking, accounting, human resources, engineering, etc)

Web and Graphic Design Jobs

Information Technology Jobs

Yes... yes.. it's pro-bono :) ... I know some may have troubles digesting that! :P

On a side note, your feedback is most welcome... so hit me up with any comment that would make it more helpful/meaningful - of course, hatred comments are also welcome if you haven't blocked me yet :P lol.

Cheers,

...maher

Seasons' Greetings

2010-12-24T14:45:00.000+02:00

May your world be filled with warmth, blessings and cheers this festive season, and throughout the coming year!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

...maher

Triggers

2010-12-10T23:19:00.000+02:00

So it has been quite some time that my digital vibes have been kicking at a low pace in contrast with previous years.

My Blogging and Flickering activities have been hibernating, awaiting a trigger... A trigger that seemed like Godot yet Godot is here!

Words may not describe the digitally embraced emotions being echoed by a stormy climate, internal and external. It shall reign again, a realistic personal audacious perspective defying the master plan that is guiding this fellow.

I ask myself, is it the subject? the shot? the end result? Or is it the emotions associated with each of the above? A subject with an impact, captured with full commitment and presence to be presented in a pixel perfect perfectionist context. Yep... that is it mostly =D while humility is flagging itself at the end of every word and neuron.

Being thankful , initially to Rana and ultimately to the turn of things recently, which all started at a random point in time. Being thankful to a couple of individuals whom have founded themselves being highlighted in large headings in this markup!

Valerie once said

I don't know who you are. Or whether you're a man or a woman. I may never see you or cry with you or get drunk with you. But I love you. I hope that you escape this place. I hope that the world turns and that things get better, and that one day people have roses again. I wish I could kiss you.

For a couple of individuals I cherish dearly, my beloved friends, I know who you are, I will see you, cry with you, get drunk with you and mostly laugh with you. I love you a million time as much and it will be roses and kisses.

Riding A Dead Horse

2010-04-30T15:23:00.000+03:00

I came across this "sarcastic but very true" interpretation of "Businesses" and "Business Mentalities" in an online forum. Depending on how you perceive it or how you would relate to, with no offense to anybody, individuals or institutions, especially business people. On a second thought, I take that back about business people, since you guys and I have been arguing about similar decisions ever since we collaborated and I am sure you will comment or argue in the same so called "rational" manners.

Anyway... design and IT geeks will definitely relate.. and business folks will (hopefully) awake!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Riding A Dead Horse... Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. Businesses, however, often try other strategies. These include...

1. Buying a stronger whip.

2. Changing riders.

3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this horse"

4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.

5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.

6. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses.

7. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse.

8. Creating a training session to increase our riding ability.

9. Comparing the state of dead horses in today's environment.

10. Change the requirements declaring that "This horse is not dead".

11. Hire contractors to ride the dead horse.

12. Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.

13. Declaring that "No horse is too dead to beat."

14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.

15. Do a CA Study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.

16. Purchase a product to make dead horses run faster.

17. Declare the horse is now "better, faster and cheaper."

18. Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses.

19. Revisit the performance requirements for horses.

20. Say this horse was procured with cost as an independent variable.

21. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.

Rita ...

2008-05-26T13:37:00.000+03:00

My congratulations to our dearest Rita and Alain...

My good friend Marie (Rita's sister) asked for some help... so I translated her feelings and Najib's into my words:

To our beloved Rita

I will miss you sis
I will miss a million thing
I will miss my ultimate friend
my partner in crime,
my companion,
my comforting shoulder,
my sole sister.

I will miss you indeed…
Yet!
Lonesome is graciously filled with warmth…
warmth in my heart… warmth in my mind,
warmth of happiness upon seeing your joy,
your bliss…
your delight…
all shining through today… as always…
as always and ever since you met Alain
ever since you met Alain and embarked on this wonderful journey.

Mum… Dad… a jewel you have raised
There she is… glowing before you
Profoundly grateful for your love…
your most caring hearts…
your tender nurture
your infinite support and affection

No words are enough to utter my joy
No gaze can impart my feelings and intuitions
Though, upon this marvelous day, I will keep echoing ...
I love you

How could we become so cruel?

2008-05-16T14:40:00.000+03:00

As I sit here, trying to shift my focus over work and some productivity, my mind fails me. Questions keeps echoing in my head...

What is the purpose of it all?

What happened to human nature? What did it become?

I gaze outside the window, seeking an answer, any answer! But all answers seem meaningless, full of contradicting prejudices, abscise, reasonless and triggering echoes in empty/narrowed/brainwashed mind spaces.

I watch as the world goes by; tears shed; revulsion mushroom and embellish; values crumble; actions dent characters, perceptions and respect.

My feelings no longer matter. It all became too indistinct to deem my individuality, flouting ache, sorrow, distress, purpose of existence, humanity, friendships, passion and compassion.

How could we become so cruel?

...maher

Greeting a special friend... my way

2007-06-12T16:30:00.000+03:00

Getting old(er) she states, with a sad face
While all one can see is charisma and grace
Marking another spot in her life’s journey
Delightful and bitter versions of her in a tourney
A beautiful soul, a beautiful mind and a real lady
With a curse of a pure heart, thou shall be milady
Capturing one’s being in splendid interactions
Helplessly inciting admiration and infatuations
Artist, she calls, enduring his arrogance and insanity
Yet, he is enchanted and fluky amongst humanity
Naïve may be these words, nearly rhyming stanza
Instead of “Me LIKEY YOU”, an extravaganza
Across the globe, a special note and warm wishes
In awe of her enchantment and all her lavishes

It has long been an interaction, a couple of years or so. Intense and touching on so many levels allowing deep and intriguing conversations. I salute you, in here for the second time. Long have been the desires to live the promised encounters, silent words and vociferous smile and eyes. Long have been...

Standing Alone

2007-01-29T04:54:00.000+02:00

I sent this a while back. I am not sure if it was perceived as intended or if it triggered the desired reactions... It's a lot of "I" ... that's where it starts and that's what you shall pitch! :)

Very few joined the stand-up... I hope the silence of many is not a sign of losing the battle. I salute my fellow spirited brothers and sisters, Rudy, Lara, Yasmin, Marwan, Dia, Dima and Joseph.

"Stand up for what you believe in... even if it means standing alone!"

I am standing alone....

I believe in striving to create a better world and a brighter one for the generations to come and NOT planting hatred and aggression.

I believe in engaging our youth in their talents and creativity and building upon it and NOT engaging them in political cheer-leading.

I believe in an eternal spark deep down everyone for the love of living, playing and interacting positively and NOT in labeling individuals and misleading them.

I believe in the wonderful times and genuine love, bond and interaction I have with my friends and my brothers and sisters and NOT in the shaky sudden friendships only because of that ID label.

I believe in learning from the mistakes of the past, the tragedies, the dreadful crescendo and the memories of all the affected lives and futures and NOT in being guided into the same trap, by the same people, the same influences, the same media, the same invisible destructive hands and the same mongrels under unfaithful claims and concealed business deals and heritage/patriotic crimes.

I believe in the genuine souls who will stand up against all this chaos and NOT the souls who will be led into blinded hatred and irrational causes.

I believe in Lebanon, my Lebanon, your Lebanon, OUR Lebanon and NOT anybody else.

Tears shedding in my heart...
Agony boiling in my blood...
Glaze sparking in my eyes...
YET ...an eternal spirit ever strong in my existence...
to strive in reaching a message, a message of love, serenity, trust, understanding and awakening!

...maher

Maher on ANNAHAR

2006-10-24T12:41:00.000+03:00

... my 15 minutes of fame (actually an entire week :P) are online on ANNAHAR Lebanese newspaper. Featured under ‘Computer and Internet’ section, Ginan Saeed writes an intriguing paragraph about my endeavours within the design and interactive multimedia paths:

http://maherberro.blogspot.com/

I feel too small in respect to Ginan’s overwhelming words, especially since she’s a long time journalism and media expert in a primary national and international newspaper.

Thank you Ginan Saeed for your obsequious words...

Check Ginan's weekly writings on Annahar

Blurted

2006-10-17T09:28:00.000+03:00

It’s all about exposure!

Following my university’s magazine ad, I gave the students’ association unit the link to my Flickr in case they wanted to include some of my photos in their future publications. Eventually, mighty Maher is a spunk rat, as my good friend Lisa calls me. So I submitted a couple of my work for Blurt 2, a UTS bimonthly publication. And there you go, 2 weeks later, 3 of my photos occupy half a page, bold and colourful. WooooHooooo!

It did not stop there; there was a yearly diary cover, art and photography competition. A rush to select a limit of 3 photos, my pick was: Famous Tree of Gold, Lonely Balcony and Red Installation; I printed them on matte coated paper, sharply cut and presented. One week later, they were displayed on the Concourse as part of the smart week. Stupid me, I mixed the date and only new after Nat, my work colleague mentioned it later! Grrrrrhhh! It’s cool though…it was on display…and people got to see at least three compositions, through my eyes.

It's Lebanon

2006-08-29T09:57:00.000+03:00

I have been away… away for while
Not by choice but by forced aggression
Unlimited forms of hostility and terror
Ravaging my home, my land and my people
I appear to be silent yet my silence is piercing
My eyes seem to run out of stories to tell
My stories are trivial in contrast with many
Many stories of my brothers, sisters and compatriots
Suddenly homeless, orphans, dead and at great losses
Never submissive, never gutless, never defeatist
Always bold, always tenacious, always resilient
It’s my home, it’s my land and it’s my family
It’s Lebanon, my Lebanon and will always be

Speechless

2006-05-19T13:05:00.000+03:00

Toi, tu es une personne poetique et romantique depuis toujours. Je t'ai connue comme ça et tu le restera ainsi. Les plus belles mots que j'ai reçu sont de ta part, je les aime bien.

Tu te rappeles de tout, tu oublies personnes, ce qui te rends hypersensible envers l'autre. Et moi je n'aime jamais te mettre dans une situation UNSEASY. Je te réponds : "C'est l'endroit ou l'eau est profonde qu'elle est la plus calme".

Translation: You were always a poetic and romantic person. This is how I knew you and that is how you will always be. The most beautiful words I ever received were from you, I love them dearly.

You remember everything, you never forget anyone, making you hypersensitive towards people. I never enjoy putting you at unease. I shall answer you: “It is the place where water is deep that it is the calmest”.

She rendered me speechless...
Placing a tear in my glazing eyes
Triggering a flame burning my heart
A lady I could never call mine
A lady, pure and sweet like no other
A distance between us has always been
It shall mark a scar on every memory

Meredith

2006-05-17T14:42:00.000+03:00

She’s a lady, she’s a mom, she’s a wife
She’s our mentor, a role model in life

An exceptional soul known as Meredith
Arising to her encounter is like a myth

Enticing our minds is her mission
Teaching doctrines is her passion

Away from ontology, a small cue
From her beloved students’ view

A message of encouragement and care
A twisted visual diary, enhanced, we dare

What a nice message!

2006-04-04T03:34:00.000+03:00

How to greet a good friend... Maher's way!
------
Young at heart I will always be
Striving for a future greater me.
With my passionate heart everything I see.
My spirit shall always be free.
Celebrating my birthday carelessly.

Was date a coincidence?

2006-04-02T04:55:00.000+03:00

I am in love!
Tingles and shivers
I found her...an angel like no other
She holds my soul as well as my heart
Now I understand
Now I know
Now I feel
Now I live
Now I am alive!

Creative Writing

2006-02-27T21:34:00.000+02:00

Checking out my Flickr today, I was delighted to read one of the comments on one of my pictures entitled "creative writing". Practically Creative is a free online resource of creative blogs and photographs where Nancy Waldman blogs daily an inspirational post; today, your favorite designer's work was her highlights, "Creative Writing":

This photo speaks for itself [...] It's so pleasing to be able to write a tide-y blog entry everyday. [...] The thing I love about this image (in addition to maher berro's great title) is the sense of urgency. That water is coming, coming soon, and nothing can stop it. And, it's going to alter everything. [...] Okay everyone; go, now, today, before the tide washes this moment away. Write, draw or sculpt [...] Thanks, maher berro, for a light-hearted look at the ephemeral nature of nature, creativity and our lives.

I further commented on Nancy's post:
Dear Nancy, I really enjoyed reading your post and your comparison; the fact to always find a way to be creative despite all interferences, get creative whether your work would last for a moment or a lifetime.

Even though it was for a day, I was excited to share it amongst my friends and colleagues, aside from the fact that my picture is indeed simple and brilliant, my proud and joy :P. It is awesome to get recognition, not only locally but also at the other end of the world!

Creative Writing | maher berro

Mind Draft

2006-02-22T01:30:00.000+02:00

In her mind, it’s all about being good and right.
But when it comes to me, it’s an occasional fight.
In her heart, warmness and plenty of grace.
Yet, for a special me, there is NO place.
In her ever sweet eyes, her soul’s reflection.
Full of genuity, goodness and affection.
In her spirit everything you need to cherish.
That’s where I struggle hard not to be selfish.
In her judgment, she is ‘beauty’, young and pure.
Verses ‘the beast’, BI3A2ED, yet so immature.

A mind draft communicated lately with someone special. Its impact was intended and it generated my expectations...and since it is touching at many levels, I decided to share it with the rest of the world...

WooooHoooooo!

.28

2006-02-18T08:28:00.000+02:00

There goes another year in that famous book of my mine. Apart from starting the 365º project, from this day onward for a whole year, the plans determined and intended to be initiated and completed on this same day next year are plenty. Operations codes were named randomly yet based on that ecstatic mind where exertion never ceases.

Operation code VC021 is already in process generating rewarding results in the confinements of the several aspects and situations accumulated over time. The progress is remarkable and improving by the day based on experience, self judgment in addition to Jan’s and Karin’s feedback; thumbs up, amazing results, mutual excitement, defying natural norms including the unconscious.

Operation code GF952 shall be initiated by the first week of March. Scheduling this project seems to be attainable especially when considering the advantages of the financial, physical and timeline approaches. Another aspect is tackling a real problem which shall ease and render the remaining projects in a more smoothly streaming.

Operation code DR701 will be researched according to the time and finance availability. Fitting this project may require extra effort, yet, eventually, it is a must to engage with more people, people from different disciplines and backgrounds; it will further enhance the interactivity experience by trial and error and learning from the experiences and the faults of others.

Operation code CF333 requires complete dedication and shall be initiated within a period of 6 months or so, depending on a couple of exterior factors, most of which are beyond my control to certain extents. My UB is already way above standards despite the need for polishing and expanding, a continuous project of fortitude.

Operation code IA001 is very crucial to undertake, it is heavily affected by CF333 and will be a first hand on project; a project well foreseen versus the many challenges and obstacles that would and will be a hindrance.

Operation code EH721 is another project in process and flowing according to schedule albeit third parties delays and interference attempts; one aspect of GF952 which would engender gratifying outcome on both terms.

Operation code MA215 is a long term project in the discipline of flexibility, mindful and awareness; drafting the plan from mind onto papers.

Seven imperative projects in addition to minor projects, one of which is maintaining my own website, Flickr and blogs which are evident in affirming exposure and interaction with the digital, interactive and online societies on an international level.

Looking away from coding and internal hardware and software, my birthday was smooth and filled with peaceful moments. My beloved family, friends and acquaintances queued their greetings and messages of care and keenness along with a couple of odds to my surprise. A double chocolate ice cream cake, with a “King Kong” drawing [don’t ask me why the king kong, although I can relate to my extravaganza :P - or maybe my charming effect on ladies LOL] courtesy of my dear uncle Emad.
Double chocolate…mmm… remembering the taste… mmm… YUMMY!

V. Day!

2006-02-13T07:46:00.000+02:00

As if I am not annoying and cheeky enough to keep on bugging my friends every now and then. Here I go diving in entertainment and trying to be 'sweet' (HA HA). Sparing the fact that it is the season to be either infatuated or lonely on that special occasion of love, I decided to 'do something' and show some love :P.

Apart from the real personal messages, of course with no name calling as I promised myself in this blog, here is the email message I sent to most of the ladies I know; not all, only the cute, lovely and adorable ladies whom I know will not be offended nor upset (fingers crossed).

Ok... so there I am alone on this occasion and I suddenly decide to greet all the lovely ladies whom I am fortunate to know and be friends with. Single or not, allow me to be “cheeky” and “bug you” to wish you a happy valentines day!

OUCH

2005-12-16T08:57:00.000+02:00

What a predicament!

Here I am, helping the one who once won my heart to win someone else’s.

OUCH. Dam it hurts.

It has always been my wish to make her open up since bonding is never easy or possible when you have one party pushing the other away. Years have passed and suddenly the door is open, not as wide, but wide enough to communicate and get to know her and share some of her thoughts. Unsurprisingly, this sudden change was not to the likeness of the skilled, leaving –rather making- the “f” word and concept as a solid ground for sharing thoughts, fear and hesitation. More interestingly, I know for a fact that I am the last person to be successful in a relationship, yet, and amazingly enough, I find myself a crucial source of confidence and advice, and a pool of OUCH’s that is being hammered to generate the most helpful, sincere and non-judgmental reflections.

Ironic… don’t you think

No wonder my P’s are regularly sustained. No regrets though, as human interaction can never be defined by a couple of words or sentences; it is way more than one can define, at least not from the age experience of this pedestal.

Always the bigger person.

Always the ‘911’.

Digital tears.

2005-12-16T08:22:00.000+02:00

I am the greatest man in the world, an arrogant yet humble expression self defined and needless to be conveyed by people. The power to make a change is a true blessing I take pride in; it is deeply moving to have the talent and ability to touch people’s hearts and souls and positively make an influence. However, highlighting whether the scale swings to the advantages or disadvantages side is almost impossible, a declaration based on the general convention of things and the course of life. On a personal level, the D’s are way more than the A’s; of course nothing can top the attitude and power with all the positive outcomes which are so rewarding. I would not trade it for anything else, or would I? Random thoughts and feelings batter my inner self and inner mind. I find myself lonely most of the time, not in the sense of having a company, but lonely in my thoughts and feelings. Living in my head most of the time and not in this world is a reality and confession; I have always given myself excuses to delay reaching a good number of personal goals. Yet, life is all about experiences and being under tests to live and learn, to acquire more wisdom and tactics of dealing with all aspects of life.

Speechless. Thoughtless. Feelingless.

2005-12-16T08:11:00.000+02:00

Getting to learn the ABC’s of relationships and interacting with the opposite sex seems to be a lifelong learning process; it is truly ironic how people interpret the definition of the word “like”. Looking back at the time and effort invested within, pinball thoughts occupy the headlines; unease of accepting reality versus reaching personal desires. I have know the passion of so many different girls; a passion mostly controlled by the top engine rather than the inner one, which unsurprisingly would not generate the ‘artist’s impression’ images that took time to be rendered. Leaves fell again and again, and here I am empty hearted again and again.

Amazing M.

2005-12-16T08:02:00.000+02:00

Klem.

Outstanding evening indeed. It has been quite a long time since I let myself go for a change, and hopefully into the right direction. Amazing M. Is it another ‘one perspective’ approach influenced by a desire or is it truly mutual and something yet to blossom? Highlighting the enjoyment of the great company was on replay along the evening. That extra move to step forward was in the back of mind at every moment of silence; rushing things would be fatal, yet delaying things might be more fatal. What a dilemma, the story of my life.

Rebecca...in contact!

2005-10-04T09:26:00.000+03:00

Out of the blue...and suddenly after almost 8 months of no contact, no call, no face to face moment, I receive an email from Rebecca! Bec is asking about me and how am I doing, what have I been up to and what are my future plans!

Wondering about my thoughts and my feelings at that moment?

As if you stabbed me with a dagger, straight into the heart, pulled it out and then in again! Damn that hurts… so much!

My thoughts…my expectations… my reactions… unable to put them in words, yet so blank. Since the day I met her, I didn’t stop thinking about her…how graceful… how sweet… and how adorable she is… yet how out of reach. Am I being that naïve? Maybe I am. But as I expressed it to Rola, once you find that person who entice your mind and imagination you should get hold of him or her.

Delighted to extreme extents to receive that message, yet puzzled and anxious to greater extents; what to do? What can the plan be? Or should there be a plan? Yeah right… Mr. plan it all and screw it up all!

Ever since the last famous call, as if something snapped deep inside; too many thoughts and givens yet no clues, and to brag about having a good perspective and my ability to see the bigger picture… yeah right! Where is that picture now? What went wrong... I wonder!

Maybe I should stop thinking so much about it and let time enlighten me with an answer… or will it. It didn’t in the past!

Now what?

As I wait anxiously for answers… I try once more… is it because I really want something to happen that bad…? I know I do… why would I want to let go of such an angel? An angel she is…yes… I am rarely wrong when it comes to that special gift…my sight to see greatness and goodness in people; or is it because I don’t come across such people that often that I want to get hold of them for ever. Friends… is that another option? There is so much friendship can do, yet to limitations when it comes to real needs. If it was the case, let it be, despite the fact that it will make another something to snap deep inside, but at least I would get the interaction and encounters with a great person.

Bec… I miss you so...

Untitled Feelings

2005-09-01T14:47:00.000+03:00

I think I am falling for someone!

Is that a bad thing to make me feel awkward? I dunno.

This is the first time I can really connect to someone and click as fast; am I drawing my own images and illusions again or is it for real this time. Too soon to judge, too soon to reflect... and too soon to jump ahead. Things are going smoothly... and better be gentle yet cautious... no need for high hopes nor for immediate actions. Let it flow... without intervention but the true self. For instance, it occurs to me that I have been single long enough to become more vulnerable, too emotional, and more blind. Would it be the case, or I am just being foolish about it. I will seize the opportunity thought; I can feel something very positive, and I will go with my instincts, rather then going with the "never try, never fail" concept; nothing ventured nothing gained, so I will stick to that for the time being and have my go. She may be the one I was longing for so much... I hope so; it would be ironic to find out otherwise, yet it would be another good lesson, in that book of mine.

An old friend once told me "you never know how to define your emotions towards the people you care about"; he is so damn right, I hate to admit it, I love everybody and that's not good; I am getting mistaken for the ones I love and the ones I am in love with... Where are you my friend? I could use another chat of ours at this time. I realized that from the moment he said it... 5 or 6 years ago, yet, I never overcame that issue... dopey!

Too bad... trying to focus on all the aspects at one time, yet not being successful in resolving any, not individually nor in group... Man... you suck! ... searching for something to get hold of ... no matter what it is... what a pity...

Disclosures | Part 2

2005-08-02T13:13:00.000+03:00

Although I consider myself fairly wise and always consider the bigger picture... I recently found out I was manipulated by one of my acquaintance for almost two years…based on some confident conversations that turned out not to be of solid grounds… Unfortunately, I had confidence in that person and did not question any possible hidden intentions at the time…maybe because it was a personal subject issue which I did not usually used to tackle and overlook from different perspectives as I used to do with work and dealing with other matters.

It’s not an appealing feeling…being manipulated. However, despite the harm, I am glad it happened; it was a good lesson… The only damaged subject was I, enduring some burden…mostly conscience burden… over a long period of time. It was very agonising in a way, just drawing back over and over and having flash backs of previous behaviours and ‘mistakes’ when it came to decisions and actions towards certain people; people whom I cared about the most.

I never realised or even worth, expected to be as such; only when I decided to unfold and deal or trying to understand ‘unfinished love business’, it was beginning to become clear…and still, not as clear as I desire. Doubt… as if it became an obsession; at this point, I may be still being manipulated, but in a counter direction, an un-harmful direction, possibly for my own benefit. As I confide the matter with the person in question, it was a revelation, and did not have the kind of reaction I expected or was hoping to see. Protection may be the reason for that outcome, self-protection and embarrassment avoidance. After all, it is history, and no matter what were the actions and situations, it is the things I did not do that I regret and not the things I have done… I recall a quotation being shared: “for all the things I never said… I thank you for all the time you understood…” it sounded in its context back then, but giving it another thought by now, it definitely did not serve its purpose since the purpose was targeting an illusive occurrence.

Eventually, I believe I deserve all the pain and agony… this is always the case in living and learning how to live, interact, behave, think… Another thought worth noting… always say what you mean, and mean what you say… otherwise, you would be the victim of your own fibs and tales. Humour previously acknowledged was definitely misused, at least when it came down to these matters; sounds ironic admitting it at this point, especially when reconsidering few of the remarks and recommendations of treasured friends.

Looking back, and at a time where many other things may unfold in the future and others would become clearer, and despite the anguish, it is a quest that would uncover many realities and edify many lessons. It is apparent that the only person who really cared back was the person I hurt the most; no excuses or justifications would defend my behaviour except for blindness, my eyes were open but I could not see, I did not want to see, I did not know what to look for.

I owe myself to dissect this issue to further understand myself, who I am, what I want, what I need… It is an individual journey and expected to be perturbing over bumpy paths. I dunno what to believe and think at this point, and I hope it will be clearer within time, it has to be. Ironically, I am my best friend, helping myself, why do we fall? To watch ourselves pick ourselves up again; when you fall, always fall forward, this way you would have taken a step forward despite the fall.

Moments of weakness

2005-04-20T13:58:00.000+03:00

For the past few weeks, I have not been myself at all, and I don’t know why, or what is the exact reason… maybe a couple of reasons… unable to function properly and to focus on the tasks ahead… A scene from “28 days”, the movie, comes to mind: “confront me if I don’t ask for help” … seems ironic, but maybe I need one of these tags to hang on my neck… Is that a ‘cry for help’? On a second thought, maybe not; I was never able to confine in people, not to mention the closest friends, which are thousands of miles away… not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. Even so, maybe the only person who can help me is me… it has to be… it has always been. The image I have been always been struggling to polish and make it stand out is blurred, at least this is how I see it now, or maybe admit to see it… invincible… not…

Change… a terminology I have been fully living and sharing even before stepping in another direction… People are usually afraid of change, and they resist change… Am I afraid and resisting? Don’t really know… I was convinced I am anticipating change… change is good and essential… and you should anticipate and enjoy change. Perhaps I was not enjoying it fully. Looking back, things are clearer, clearer to see how superficial some were. Is it a badly structured base, where the faulty designs jammed? How can I fix such infrastructure? Would time do? Time I don’t have? Is it a daily fading energy? Where is that never dying motive? Motive that lead generations… Or did it really do? Where is the attitude I lecture people about? Am I applying “those who can… do… and those who can’t… teach”?

My proprioception is not as I want it to be…

My mind is weak… Or is it my faith?

My eyes are open, but I cannot see… I am desperate to see…

Think Change DO
It inspired thousands… Why is it not working this time?

I should manage to make it work… it’s now or never.

Disclosures

2005-03-29T11:32:00.000+03:00

Finally... my long time question was answered... is she interested or she was just being extremely nice...

It seems that I have a disability in reading signs and people's behavior when it comes to my personal relationships, the intimate ones in particular... and I don't seem to be learning from previous experiences; especially that it happened too many times, too many to mention. Sometimes I wonder, whether my childhood dream decision to stay single forever... or just a series of unfortunate encounters.

Now seems a good opportunity to apologies to a lot of ladies for any misconception -all the misconceptions- which, except for one or two, were not intentional at all. And the most awful of situations where I never said what I meant and meant what I said; or even worse, when I did after it was way too late.

Whether the question is to regret the things you have done or the things you never did... it is the same in this case. But if you are reading this, and you were likely the one concerned... please don't transfer valued friendship and great moments into hatred... if something is more hurtful then any regrets, it is the fact that someone I valued and admired for a long time, and still do, formed an indefinite revulsion towards me; for your sufferings were forgotten despite of the scars, but mine are still hunting me.

M | Possible

2005-03-16T10:06:00.000+02:00

For everybody getting it wrong!!!

Maher possible V/S impossible

Rebecca

2005-02-26T10:47:00.000+02:00

She captured my heart and soul... Can't get her out of my mind

She is by far the sweetest person I have ever met. I adore her...

Wondering if she is too good to be true...

Natasha

2005-02-10T07:02:00.000+02:00

A couple of weeks ago, heading towards uni on a regular day, I was walking from Central station, along the underground tunnel when I was interrupted by a great smile and an adorable lady. Her name was Natasha. Regardless of the reason, which was for a good cause, I couldn't resist ignoring the lovely personality and her way of communication. A lot of thoughts were bombarding my mind... I fell for her... maybe she was too beautiful and charming... maybe I was too emotionally vulnerable during that period... thinking about her and how she made my day...

Today... on the same track... By chance, Natasha was heading towards me... when I was flabbergasted with her appearance, and instantly called her name and greeted her with a big smile... Yes... I never forgot her name... And it was my turn to lead the conversation, or try to, for a change, and engaged with a small conversation that would eventually end with a smile and a "have a good day"... without any further comment. Dopey... .

Feelings of happiness and regrets...

She made my day... again... and I was... again