For the past few weeks, I have not been myself at all, and I don’t know why, or what is the exact reason… maybe a couple of reasons… unable to function properly and to focus on the tasks ahead… A scene from “28 days”, the movie, comes to mind: “confront me if I don’t ask for help” … seems ironic, but maybe I need one of these tags to hang on my neck… Is that a ‘cry for help’? On a second thought, maybe not; I was never able to confine in people, not to mention the closest friends, which are thousands of miles away… not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. Even so, maybe the only person who can help me is me… it has to be… it has always been. The image I have been always been struggling to polish and make it stand out is blurred, at least this is how I see it now, or maybe admit to see it… invincible… not…
Change… a terminology I have been fully living and sharing even before stepping in another direction… People are usually afraid of change, and they resist change… Am I afraid and resisting? Don’t really know… I was convinced I am anticipating change… change is good and essential… and you should anticipate and enjoy change. Perhaps I was not enjoying it fully. Looking back, things are clearer, clearer to see how superficial some were. Is it a badly structured base, where the faulty designs jammed? How can I fix such infrastructure? Would time do? Time I don’t have? Is it a daily fading energy? Where is that never dying motive? Motive that lead generations… Or did it really do? Where is the attitude I lecture people about? Am I applying “those who can… do… and those who can’t… teach”?
My proprioception is not as I want it to be…
My mind is weak… Or is it my faith?
My eyes are open, but I cannot see… I am desperate to see…
Think Change DO
It inspired thousands… Why is it not working this time?
I should manage to make it work… it’s now or never.
Change… a terminology I have been fully living and sharing even before stepping in another direction… People are usually afraid of change, and they resist change… Am I afraid and resisting? Don’t really know… I was convinced I am anticipating change… change is good and essential… and you should anticipate and enjoy change. Perhaps I was not enjoying it fully. Looking back, things are clearer, clearer to see how superficial some were. Is it a badly structured base, where the faulty designs jammed? How can I fix such infrastructure? Would time do? Time I don’t have? Is it a daily fading energy? Where is that never dying motive? Motive that lead generations… Or did it really do? Where is the attitude I lecture people about? Am I applying “those who can… do… and those who can’t… teach”?
My proprioception is not as I want it to be…
My mind is weak… Or is it my faith?
My eyes are open, but I cannot see… I am desperate to see…
Think Change DO
It inspired thousands… Why is it not working this time?
I should manage to make it work… it’s now or never.
and i thought i was too harsh on myself :s you too much harsh on urslef.. i guess that's the price people pay for being perfectionist.. for not being superficial and shallow.. is a curse to be a deep person?
ReplyDeletedo you still find it difficult to confine in people? you feel more comfortable writing things down than talking about them, not lack of courage to share, but lack of people who can understand what you are talking about... i think that i am on my way to do the same.. i used to prefer talking about things, looking for interaction..papers can't offer that all the time.. but i think that eventually i will find that papers are better than nothing..!